So it was my 20th birthday yesterday, and I did b/p three times over the course of the day. That really hit home for me what ED has taken from me in the last two years, and has made me more determined than ever to start recovery and really make it this time.
But I feel like St. Augustine in the garden, desperate to convert, but lacking the final piece of willpower and inspiration. I know that if I'm going to recovery for real--if this time is going to be different from all the other times--I need something more. I need to find more sources of strength and support, open myself up to new ideas, test out new inspiration. The Bulimia help ebook is wonderful, and so is Brain Over Binge, but I don't want to rely solely on them. I want to open my mind up to let the new flow in and the bad drain out.
Does anyone have any suggestions about spiritual or thoughtful texts/figures/beliefs that I could look up? I'm really interested in anything that has helped get you through recovery, or that has given you hope in darkness. What has clarified a part of recovery for you? A quote or a story that has made things seem less bleak? Please feel free to share anything and everything, on this forum or by private message. I need to do more than just the same old failed routine. I want to expand and move beyond where I used to be.