what's going on...????

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kaz
kaz's picture
what's going on...????

Ill start by saying I've been purge free for over two weeks, but have been really restricting since. started the se yesterdayand it has going ok til lunchtime, got really bad pains in my tummy so that was me for the whole day, didn't eat anything else for the whole day, mix of emotion ls from anxiety, guilty, annoyed, tired...

started today off really well and had breakfast, 2 hours ago, I'm starving!!! I'm really confused.
Its like my tummy is realising what food is and saying gimme gimme gimme... should i eat something small but so scared of kicking off a binge...
so confused!

Kaz

nisi
nisi's picture
Well done on breakfast! I

Well done on breakfast! I often get really hungry 2 hours after. Sometimes I'll have a glass of water or something. But I wonder if it's the body-binge urge? Like, our bodies saying, hungry--foodplz! Good starts are good. I know plenty of people who skip breakfast and aren't healthy :)

I'm starting to think maybe disordered eating gives us lots of evidence that we already have the tools to succeed in recovery? Like, restriction shows we can resist hunger. Some of the obsessions show us that yes, we can eat in structured ways. Maybe we can do lots of things that can support healthy living, but have combined them in unhelpful ways in living with bulimia, but can reconstruct them to recover.. I'm trying to remind myself of this when I have binge urges, that I have resisted urges to eat before, and that's the gift of restriction. The ungift is the bulimia thing - so I can't say it's all good, and can't justify going back to super-restrictive eating patterns.

Kind thoughts and gentle light,
Nisi.

kaz
kaz's picture
thanks nisi... xx its all

thanks nisi... xx its all just so confusing to my mind and my body, not hungry not at all, from one extreme to another, i suppose because I've been in patterns of either b/p or restriction, its like my body is saying, "oh great restriction is over and i get to eat eat eat eat and then bluhhh.. " its just going to take time to get to a good middle ground... i envy people who can just eat normally naturally.... it looks so easy! Gonna keep strong and try an get today over with and worry about tomorrow tomorrow! Feeling very axious bout food in my tummy though... going to go for a walk and take my mind off things an try and have lunch when i get back..
xxx

Kaz

BombshellBarbie
BombshellBarbie's picture
I am the same way. I stick

I am the same way. I stick to eating 3 regular meals and 3 snacks. I space my meals two hours apart from each other because I always start to feel hungry after every two hours. It makes sense because it takes two hours for the body to intake one meal. So I've been sticking closely to this routine. Sometimes I break it a bit and will eat a meal every three hours. But that's pushing it for me. In addition, when I first started eating, I wasn't hungry at all. So if I stuck with intuitive eating then I probably would have ended up starving myself. So I figured it's better to start off with structured eating my weight stablizes and my bowels are functioning normally. Plus with structured eating it allows the body to get all the nutrients it needs; hence, getting the body out of starvation mode. In my opinion, I think restricting will just slow down the metabolism even more than what it is. So it's probably better to go all out and eat. Just gotta stick out the bloating and everything else that goes along with recovery.

By all means am I not telling you how to run your own recovery. I am just stating what has worked for me in the past. When I was in inpatient treatment, we really didn't have a choice. It was to eat three meals a day and three snacks or it was off to the hospital to get nutrients that way and I really didn't want to have that horrific experience so I just stuck it out and my body got better over time with my bowels functioning normally without having any stomach issues.

You'll find what works for you and I hope I have helped you :).

Much love!

lindsay6
lindsay6's picture
I have never had the

I have never had the abdominal pain that some of us have had but my appetite is not normal. I have 9 weeks of recovery and it still isn't right. I go from not hungry to hungry in minutes sometimes. If I eat and I like it I don't get full until its way too late. All of this is starting to get a little better but not there yet. I think it just takes time.

When you are going through hell, keep going.

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