Every morning, I wake up telling myself it's not going to happen. Not today. Not to me. I go the whole day driven and motivated to stay true to what I truly want, which is not to binge and purge. If only for a day. I eat dinner, I do my daily things like pack my bag for the next day, and then it happens. In the blink of an eye. I'm eating foods I am not okay with keeping inside of me. And then before I know it, it's a full blown binge and a purge is going to happen. How is it I go from being so structured and ready to conquer this, to hopping in my car and driving to the grocery store in a daze (a shameful daze at that). I cannot keep this monster under control, and it literally drives me absolutely nuts. I am at a loss, and the shame and guilt eats away at me every day, especially after I purge and tell myself, "well tomorrow is a new day and I will give it my best then."