working and structured eating

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goldbeetle
goldbeetle's picture
working and structured eating

ok so i work in hospitatlity and am currently a waitress. Im very grateful for this job because i've learnt SO much and have met some wonderful people through working there. I'm a waitress and am on my feet for 8 -11 hours a few days a week. When i have split shifts i find it extremely difficult to stick with SE. for example i'll start my shift at 11 and then only be able to eat something at 4 in the afternoon. Its so difficult to cope i get so sad, angry, moody, and victimizing of myself, and then i feel guilty because "I'm not like everyone else who works there and can handle a whole day and suck it up without eating anything".
When i bring snacks to work i feel guilty when I eat them because none of my other co-workers eat during their shift or in front of anyone else. I've also gained a bit of weight since following SE and since working their and as shallow as this sounds i am FREAKING OUT of their opinions of me, and my body image is just going down the drains. I really don't know what to do about SE and these shifts I'm getting. And for example tonight i worked 11 hours and over the course of the day had 3 meals with a little snack, then came home and just pigged out on nuts and raisins ( a huge trigger food for me ) now i feel like shit, am just flipping out about weight gain, and am worried about the guilt that seems to automatically take course and will lead on tommorow.
Hunger makes me scared and angry. I really am not sure how to deal with this and how to do SE without feeling guilty...ugh, please help
thanks, xo

sjksus
sjksus's picture
Congrats on being 2 years

Congrats on being 2 years purge free! That's very inspiring!
I too struggled with maintaining SE in a hectic and demanding work environment. I also sometimes struggled with maintaining SE when surrounded by certain groups of people. Luckily, I talked myself in to adopting some points of view that really helped. I always try and remember that being in recovery means I must put myself first and SE should be my main focus because it's the only way to start breaking free of the ED cycle. There will be emotional times to work through, but properly fueling the body and keeping a constant balance inside of it will make all of life easier. SE allows for moods and energy levels to even out when we stick with it. Also helps to prevent those night time binges (and when we string together a few days or weeks without those it's a fantastic confidence booster!). At the start of recovery, there were many times I would carry appropriate snacks in my purse and make sure I took a bathroom break around my SE times. I'd take my purse with me to the restroom (which isn't out of the ordinary if you're female) and I'd eat my snack inside a stall where I was alone. I know this sounds a little crazy, but I did this out of a desperation to recover. I figured it wasn't any worse than what I was used to doing in a bathroom stall (which was puking my guts out after an uncontrollable binge!). I didn't do this for too long before deciding that having a snack wasn't something I really needed to hide. The only way I could give my body enough fuel to work a full shift was if I fed it well. So, I started telling people I had a recently diagnosed blood sugar issue and must monitor that with proper food intake - it wasn't that far from the truth because ED does cause blood sugar fluctuations. Additionally, I'm not a smoker, but I worked with quite a few people who were and they were allowed to take smoke breaks during their shifts. I decided that if those people could take 10 minutes here and there to use tobacco that I could surely take 10 minutes here and there to eat a few pieces of fruit.
Good luck and hang in there :-)

beachykeen
beachykeen's picture
I also used to take snacks to

I also used to take snacks to eat in the bathroom. I work on an appt basis. My schedule is so tight a bathroom break can make me run late so I really don't have time to eat in between clients if I'm hungry. I also told my manager that for health reasons I needed a scheduled break at a specific time in my schedule. Its none of their business what the health reason is. It helped with the first half of my shift but I often get hungry again before I can get home from work. Lately I've been making a dense smoothie (fruit, protein powder, nut butter, etc) and keep it in the fridge in our break room. Every time I go wash my hands after a client I take a swig or two before going back out. It doesn't really help with the mental aspect of sitting down and eating mindfully but at least I'm consuming calories so I'm not famished on my way home at 10-11 at night. The important thing is to do what you gotta do to take care of you.

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