Wouldn't you like to know?

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valiant's picture
Wouldn't you like to know?

Today as I sat and felt my hanging belly and had to try hard and distract myself from the disgust I felt, I heard the 'just starve yourself' voice.
And I thought: Yes, I could. I could just stop eating for the most part and I'm sure the belly would go and I could sit and my stomach could look a little more like that of a Victoria's Secret model (even if I'll never be them). And then came the next thought: But is that healthy? Is that what I want? And: What would happen in the long run? Do I really think that I could 'starve' myself in a sick way and then miraculously get cured over night and keep that (of course healthily) thin body by eating like a normal person? Uh... no, that won't happen. If I starve myself, I'll just continue the cycle. I'll just continue to obey Ed.
So, what's the alternative? Oh, right... intuitive eating.
Wouldn't that be nice? I thought: this stomach is the result of my overeating (currently without purging), as is the flab on my back, on the inside of my thighs, my huge arms... if I turned that around 180 degrees, I would have no stomach, a spine that sticks out like the 'bad' Hulk's from a complete lack of any kind of tissue on my back, sticks for arms, sticks for legs, all as a result of my starving. Hm.
But what I would really like to know, is what my body would look like if I ate 'normally'. If ate when I'm hungry and stopped when I'm full and made good food choices all along, based on what we all know about nutrition and got a decent amount of enjoyable exercise to keep my heart and lungs and body strong?
What would I look like? I've never seen myself like this, because I've never lived like this, and besides I've never taken a clear, loving look at myself.
But I'd really like to know, and this curiosity keeps me going. I wanna see it, I wanna know how it feels.
Don't you?

habiba's picture
interesting debate! i

interesting debate! i certainely think that way alot when i overeat as i constantly worry my body will never raise its metabolism an burn off those few extra calories.....but we have to realise that by starving or purging etc... we ll only be harming ourselves like u said on the long run, just solving acurrent problem while the bigger one still lies ahead!
forget that u overate, be happy that u accomplished so much, donot starve urself, better yet, go buy urself a treat or hang out with ur friends just to get ur mind of it or as a REWARD!!!:) stay strong!

You will face many defeats in your life, but never let yourself be defeated.

maitri's picture

When I feel consumed by body obsession, I try to remember that my body image really and truly is distorted. I stay away from mirrors because I might as well be looking in a fun-house mirror when I am that caught up in body-hate. And the other thing that helps sometimes is to use my body-take a walk and feel how it moves, take a shower (this can be hard, depending on where you are in your head) but just close my eyes and feel the pleasure of the warm water. And it sounds too simple to work but I have had a turn around when I think of all the things to be grateful for...my body works great, it puts up with all this abuse from me and it still gets me around pretty smoothly. I am strong. My three year old sure doesn't mind that I am soft and snuggly...these arms are good for holding him..you catch my drift. Gratitude is something I really need to practice more of in the new year. What we put out attention on grows stronger-let's focus on being strong, healthy, sane people who contribute to the world. What a waste of time and energy when we spend ourselves dissecting and hating our bodies! Thanks for sharing...good reminders for me!

Together we can do what we cannot do alone...

too_much's picture
I wana know!

Thanks for this post... I'm gonna steal your idea to use to remind myself to be 'normal' and avoid b/p-ing.
I guess it really is only a matter of time before I can see my 'real' body. This is a nice note to start off the new year with. Thanks again :)

Miss H
Miss H's picture
Something I've found quite

Something I've found quite strange is that I've always thought I was fat. And now I still feel fat, but 18months ago I also felt fat. But now I look back at those pictures and I look super skinny. So it just confirms to me that I have a totally and utterly distorted body image.
I think it's important to get some clothes that really fit nicely. I've recently got some new, bigger clothes, so i'm not squeezing into my smaller ones, and I feel so much better. I think it helps with feeling more comfortable with yourself. I'm not sure if I'll ever like myself naked, but then how many women do? So i'm not going to stand half naked in front of the mirror and analyse myself anymore. I'm going to try and eat normally too, and be who I'm meant to be.

min's picture
I remember when I didnt had

I remember when I didnt had bulimia I had much eneergy and loved to walk alot and do exerice, I have lost weight because I only ate when I was hungry and stopend eating whe I was not hungry. Sometimes I ate very much like sweets and so but without thinking og purging. I think normal persons sometimes eat full too. Still I lost weight, even I didnt thought so much abput weight, but I was a very energing person who loved studying and exercise and I was vert active.

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