A few days ago I read something that made me reflect even more on a lot of fears I have been having about my recovery process lately, and has confirmed most of what I could feel growing inside myself: my own inspiration in recovery. My recovery is not an escape from bulimia, it shall not be a daily fight not to binge and purge: my recovery is my daily journey IN this present Tania and a destination of Peace. It's a journey of Hope, not an escape of Fear.
I thought of sharing it with you all, because I find it truly.. inspiring!
A thought for you today…is your bulimia recovery quest based upon motivation or inspiration?
I couldn’t have said for sure what the difference between the two was until I listened to an Abraham video recently that helped clarify things for me. I thought I’d take this opportunity to share what I learned.
I’ll paraphrase what I heard from the video…
Motivation is usually based upon a desire to move away from something unwanted. Inspiration is usually the desire to act based upon moving towards who you’ve become.
That was really powerful for me. What I take that to mean is that if you’re trying to beat your binge eating disorder by avoiding something or because of the things you don’t want in your life you’re less likely to have long standing results than if you create a vision for your recovery and life you want and work towards that.
That totally struck a cord for me. For the 20 years I had bulimia I was always afraid it would come back. I was living in fear that it would rear it’s ugly head again and I’d have another relapse. My temporary motivation for working in recovery was from a place of avoiding relapse. Avoiding or negatively motivated by what I didn’t want; binging and purging for the rest of my life.
What I realize now as I look back on what’s helped me create lasting recovery for myself it was based upon my being inspired to be a non-bulimic. I share in my recovery story I saw myself (my future/vision of self) was one where bulimia did not exist. It was something I could live into instead of something I was running from or avoiding or afraid of happening.
Now that I share that it sounds like the distinction between fear and faith or worry and hope. I see worry as faith in a negative outcome or putting energy towards that which you don’t want to have happen come true in your future. Hope on the other hand is belief and faith in good things or what you want to have happen come about.
Being able to create a vision for your recovered self, loving and appreciating your self as you are, having faith or hope that it will come about is living an inspired recovery journey. Having worry that a relapse is around the corner is only feeding that negative possibility into reality.
One of my favorite stories from Native American folklore is this:
An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life.
“A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy.
“It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.” He continued, “The other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you – and inside every other person, too.“
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?“
The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.“
What wolf are you feeding in your bulimia recovery quest? The battle going on inside you will be won by the wolf you choose to feed. So choose wisely.