23 changes I've noticed since starting my bulimia recovery.

Hi, so today I noticed something really cool that got me thinking about the Physical and Psychological changes I've been going through since starting recovery.

Here is a list of 23 changes I have noticed since starting recovery...

1. For the past couple of days I have been feeling taller, so today I decided to measure myself. As it turns out I measure about an inch taller than I used to be a few months ago (I measured my height in the summer just because I was curious).

My height hasnt changed since I was sixteen, 3 years ago. Some of my pants are shorter too. I have every reason to believe that this is because of my recovery, I have been abusing my body since I was 12 (7 years!!!)and all through the time i was supposed to be growing, could this have stunted my growth?!? other awesome things I've noticed over the past 2 months:

2. My nails grow longer and stronger and dont have those weird vertical ridges in them anymore and I dont bite them (a habit I have been trying to break for years).

3. My hair grows faster, is shinier and healthier and even dries WAY faster (especially at the roots).

4. I dont have those little cracks at the corner of my mouth anymore

5. My skin isnt as dry

6. I did gain some recovery weight, but its distributing itself differently, is more even and compliments my curves.
Its different from the weight I've been holding onto for all of these years as a result of my ED.

7. My workouts are no longer exhausting, they're fun.
I can handle more and it takes less time to recover.

8. I am no longer exhausted throughout the day.
I focus better in school and am even doing better.

9. Since all of my time isnt spent b/ping, excercising or counting calories. I have more time to do other things!
Playing guitar, reading, going out with friends...even doing homework is more fun than b/ping!

10. I fall asleep faster (I used to have intense insomnia)

11. I crave healthier foods.
I crave fruits and veggies and ALWAYS crave milk! Before I used to have to force feed myself veggies and I never drank milk.

12. I no longer worry about the little stupid things, when something bad/weird happens i can usually just shrug it off and stay calm.

13. I am SO much nicer to my poor family, I no longer snap at them.

14. I am more organized.
My stuff doesnt lie all over the place, my day is planned out and I actually do the things i planned to do.

15. My memory has improved. 
Poor memory can be a symptom of potassium deficiency

16. I am starting to actually feel my emotions now, good and bad.
I am still trying to figure out how to deal with them since I cant use food anymore!

17. I am less anxious.
I used to be SO shy and was always anxious. This still happens to me but not nearly as much as it used to. I find that I can stay calm in situations that would have previously made me panic/hyperventilate.

18. My digestion is changing.
I used to be lactose intolerant, that has now completley gone away.

19. I am learning to forgive myself.
When I make a mistake, I learn from it and move on, rather than dwelling on it and thinking how stupid I must be. I can easily forgive myself for things that I have done, and have stopped blaming myself for things that arent my fault.

20. I smile ALL of the time.
I cant stop smiling :) I laugh more, at stupid things. you know when your by yourself and think of something stupid... and you cant help but laugh/smile and you feel totally retarded but its so awesome.

21. Control is no longer an issue.
I dont have to waste my time trying to control every little aspect of my life (food, weight ect.) these things just fall into place now, with very little effort on my part.

22. Most importantly, I have taken a complete 180 as to how I think of myself.
I used to feel guilty about everything! I used to feel that I was incompetent and could not do anything. Now, when faced with a challenging situation, I automatically believe that I am capable of doing it.

23. I also see others in a different light...
I notice the beautiful people around me, how awesome they are! My family, my friends! They have wonderful personalities and I was so absorbed with myself that I was unable to recognize just how sweet they really are. I cant believe all of the things I have been missing out on.

I feel like my life is just beginning. You see people, there's more to life than obsessing about food/weight, comparing yourself to others, only to wind up feeling incompetent and depressed. There is more to life beyond the four walls of my dark bedroom, beyond the kitchen and the bathroom. There is a life waiting for you and man, you have to get out there.

11 comments

bellastella
bellastella's picture
Thanks!!

Thank you so much for posting this. It made me cry. I want all those things, too! It helped me remember why I'm recovering, it motivated me to keep going, push through the rough time I'm having at the moment... Thanks!! And congratulations on so many accomplishments:)

Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out. - Robert Collier

laryssa
laryssa's picture
This is

exactly why I want to recover. I think I'm going to print this off and post this somewhere where I can be reminded by it all the time. Congrats, that is an awesome accomplishment!

-- Laryssa

dlib
dlib's picture
Congratulations!

And thank you for such an uplifting post!! Good on you!

Das Leben ist Bunt

CatherineB
CatherineB's picture
what an inspiring set of

what an inspiring set of discoveries! I feel so motivated now! Congrats on your recovery, and all of your amazing realizations

Catherine Liberty
Catherine Liberty's picture
This is lovely to read

A lot of the things you say I can see in my recovery too, but there are lots of things I am yet to achieve and so want to that you talk about.

But I know they will come to me one day, I just have to keep strong! Thank you for such a lovely inspirational post x x

Richard Kerr
Richard Kerr's picture
Read this for inspiration

I love this post. It really goes to show you how much anxiety, stress and misery is caused by bulimia and not actually a part of your normal personality.

Recovery is such an adventure as you begin to rediscover who you really are without the dark cloud of bulimia. A big congratulations Emily,

Actually, this is so good can I have permission to put this post in the new Bulimia Help Ebook I am working on?

jwhite0526
jwhite0526's picture
Thanks Emily!

Awesome and inspiring post. Definitely gonna bookmark this and read it when I'm feeling frustrated!

claire_quest
claire_quest's picture
i linked this on my blog.

i linked this on my blog. Hope you don't mind.
I hope a lot of girls read it and start to think about it.

AmMo
AmMo's picture
Thanks, yes of course you

Thanks, yes of course you guys use it however you want! I didnt know it was going to be so inspiring! It was one of those moments where I really just needed to sit down and appreciate where I am now to where I was a couple of months ago. I actually didnt realize some of these points until I wrote them down. I was so focused on what I was doing wrong all of the time that I was completely missing out on all of the awesome things that come along with recovery :)

ania
ania's picture
I haven't seen in before and

I haven't seen in before and i have to say it - your post is totally amazing! It's so positive and inspiring! I can't stop smiling right now, it's so great that you were able to achieve all those things :D And it also gives me a lot of hope for myself, so thanks a lot! ;)

BBop
BBop's picture
Thanks for sharing. You are

Thanks for sharing. You are strong

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